it’s been a while…

I just dropped in to say ‘hi’ & ‘I’m still here’ even though I have been pretty quiet since last November.

After the last take time retreat, life taught me just how much I needed to listen to my own advice, so I have been taking time since then, and I finally feel like I’m getting back to myself and almost ready to move forward again.

A couple of weeks before we hosted our retreat last November I found out that my Mum was seriously ill and although she carried on for  few more painful weeks, she passed away in early December. At the time I thought that there would be relief once she was out of pain, and that life would carry on pretty much as before.

How naïve I was!

After the funeral, and then Christmas, I thought I would start to feel better. But actually, I kept feeling worse. I feel lost without her voice at the end of the phone. I miss having her to care about me. I miss sharing my grand-daughters with her & I especially miss that she never got to see the beaming, joyful, cheeky smile of the newest one who was born just as my Mum started to fade.

I didn’t know that grief would feel so tangible.

But out of all the sadness and pain I have been repeatedly reminded of the importance of taking time and that is what I have been doing in recent weeks.

reflecting on life

Even before I realised how bad it would all feel, at the start of the year I set myself the goal of having one new thing to look forward to every month this year, to give me some stepping stones across this new landscape. So far there have been yoga workshops, creative activities and live music events as well as some new education. It has been my best decision this year and it is really helping me to look forward.

I have taken a step away from anything that unsettles my soul. Sometimes I worry that I am shutting myself off from the world, but I know that I can only cope with my own kind of crazy at times. When other peoples’ crazy is just too much, I have learnt to put my fingers in my ears and sing ‘la, la, la, la, la’ at the top of my voice! Sometimes it is the only way for me to get through the day.

When my energy fell through the floor a few weeks ago I dosed up on vitamins and looked after my nutrition & what a difference it has made! My head is clear, my energy is improving, my outlook is transformed and I’m nearly ready to set up the next take time retreat! I don’t know yet whether it will take place in late 2018 or early in 2019 because I want to make absolutely sure I’m back to full strength first, but it will happen, for sure.

If you’d like to be the first to know when the next take time retreat is good to go, please add your details here and I will keep you posted Jx

 

 

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